Eva Holland on Fear and Writing
The author of Nerve shares a glimpse inside her writing world.
Welcome to One More Question, a newsletter for freelance writers who want to keep doing the work, even when it’s really hard. This issue is free so feel free to share it around! If you’re interested in hearing from me more frequently, consider signing up for the paid subscription which includes weekly advice, essays on writing, pitch calls, grants, classes, and all kinds of opportunities for writers.
Eva Holland on Fear and Writing
I had a running joke with my friends, the whole time I was working on Nerve, about the irony of being terrified to write a book about fear.
Photo credit: GBP Creative
I remember reading the story Unclimbable years ago. I immediately bookmarked the page and looked up Eva Holland, the author of the article in SB Nation. Eva wrote about three young women who undertook an ambitious climbing expedition in an otherworldly cluster of Northwest Canadian peaks called the Cirque of the Unclimbables. She ventured with them, despite a knee injury, to report on the endeavor.
This. This was the kind of writing I wanted to do. So I read it and reread it and wondered how someone builds a career around big adventures that blend memoir with vivid reporting and suspense and distant places I’d never heard of.
I was immediately a fan of Eva and her captivating prose.
So I was very excited to hear about her recently released book, Nerve: Adventures in the Science of Fear, in which Eva faces phobias and dives into the depths of how and why we experience fear. It would be an engrossing read, even if it weren’t so relevant right now. But here we are in the year 2020. And yeah, things are kinda scary these days. I caught up with Eva about her writing, fear, fear of writing, and what it was like getting her first book out into the world.
Your long form, adventure-based journalism has been a big inspiration for me. But I know that behind every big byline and book deal is a lot of less exciting work. Can you shed some light on some of the smaller, not-so-fun work that led to commissioned stories for outlets like Outside and Pacific Standard? What was your worst job?
I started freelancing right out of grad school (actually my first freelance stories were written and published while I was still in the middle of my Masters—I was studying history in England and sold a few travel pieces to Canadian newspapers), and when I first came home, I worked a few random gigs. I shovelled snow, sliced bagels at a deli counter, served in a restaurant.
In terms of other writing-related work, I used my experience as a history student to do some paid work in archival research and report-writing. I did some paid grant writing, copy writing, proofreading... all kinds of things, really, especially early on. I also spent a few months working as a manual laborer in the Yukon's mining industry when freelancing was tight one year (I wrote about that experience here).
In terms of worst jobs? Hmm. That's hard to say. I think the worst thing, consistently, has been worrying about money and sometimes, too often, having to fight to be paid. Even the best byline is soured if you have to spend weeks or months walking that fine line of polite-but-firm follow-up emails asking where your money has gone.
You recently released your book, Nerve: Adventures in the Science of Fear. Is there anything about writing or the work around writing that scares you?
Ha, yes. Definitely! I had a running joke with my friends, the whole time I was working on Nerve, about the irony of being terrified to write a book about fear. We decided it was too meta to actually include in the book, but the terror was real, especially early on when I was faced with a book contract and a blank Word doc.
Once I got deeper into it, the "holy shit, I have to write a book" fear did fade, but was of course replaced by a whole army of fears along the lines of "Is anyone going to buy it? What if everyone hates it?" That kind of thing looms larger with a book, but it's a fear with any story you publish - are people going to like what I wrote? It's a vulnerable thing to do, and you do get used to it with time, but not entirely, I think.
Fear seems pretty pervasive right now. Perhaps it always is. But lately, it's on the surface of our collective consciousness, it seems. And people can learn A LOT about fear by reading your book, so I don't want you to have to rehash that. But what is one thing you learned about fear in your research that surprised you?
I think the thing that surprised me most was how changeable my relationship with fear ultimately was. I pitched a book where I face my fears and try to overcome them, while exploring the science of how and why we feel afraid. But to be totally honest, I expected to be writing an epilogue where I was like, "Well, I didn't really make that much progress in resolving my fears, but I learned a lot about the science of fear along the way!" Instead, I wound up experiencing real, substantive changes in the role that fear played in my life. So that was pretty cool.
Can you give us a little glimpse inside of your book writing process? What helped you get it done?
It was hard! I got behind on the writing early, and I had a fairly tight timeline. So I made a schedule with weekly word-count goals - daily word counts seemed unrealistic, and monthly ones didn't seem like they would provide enough accountability.
Typically I aimed for 3000 words a week, or 1500 if I had something else big going on that week. If I hit my word count by Friday, I could take the weekend off; if I didn't, then I worked through the weekend until I made it to 3000. I got behind schedule anyway, but it gave me a sense of control at least. Near the end I was writing 4500, 5000 words a week to catch up. Ultimately I had a complete draft two weeks before deadline, spent about ten days revising (I had already been revising it in chunks along the way, but not as a whole), and then submitted it to my editors four days early.
A lot of your work takes place around big adventures. But for most of us, adventures are still pretty limited while we're coming out of quarantine mode. How do you find stories when you don't have a big trip coming up, or one that you're actively writing about?
I've been very deliberately trying to think about stories (and new book proposals) that I can report from my desk. Whether that means historical pieces, or essays, or desk-reported stories. Maybe I can write about places where I've spent a lot of time in the past, and so have knowledge and familiarity to help me reconstruct scenes more vividly? Or, hey, I can read books—what can I pitch that's based on books? And phone interviews? And my memories? What can I report locally? These are the sorts of questions I've been asking myself as I move out of book-launch mode and back into freelancing.
So in the middle of coming up with questions for you, the tragic murder of George Floyd took place in Minneapolis, and much of the world turned their focus to combatting racism and police brutality. This is such a critical moment for change. But I have to admit, it scares me a little when I’m not sure where my writing fits into the moment.
I think this was a common concern for writers at the height of COVID, too. Like if you weren’t writing about the pandemic, what the heck were you supposed to write about? I think many writers wonder, how do I keep writing about the thing I write about when there are these huge issues going on in the world? I know this is a tough one... but any advice?
You know, after the 2016 presidential election in the United States, I had a couple of more light-hearted stories killed, and one editor told me specifically that they were clearing the decks to make way for coverage of the Trump administration. Three and a half years later, Trump is still president, but it wasn't very long before I started getting non-Trump stories assigned again.
So I think part of the answer is just patience, and in this case, taking the time to listen and reflect. As freelancers, we're conditioned to try to seize a moment, find an angle, and pitch, pitch, pitch. But this is a good moment for white writers in particular to practice sitting back instead of trying to find a way in. And for all of us who write about topics other than the big news of the day or the month, I think we have to trust that people will still want to read about ecology, or the wilderness, or adventure.
I hope you're taking some time to celebrate and reward yourself after releasing your book into the world. What are your favorite ways to take a step away from work and recharge?
48 hours from now, as I sit typing this, I'll be pushing a canoe into a Yukon river for four days of backcountry paddling, so that's one reward! Generally my recharging involves getting outdoors, and ideally away from cell service completely. A day hike, a mountain bike ride, or just a dog walk will help. I do struggle to relax as long as I'm still near my laptop and all the work it contains, ha. Of course, a lot of my go-tos—a beer at the bar with friends, for instance—are currently off-limits. But stepping away from the computer to lie on the couch and read a good book can be a great option, and one that's pretty pandemic-proof.
That’s all for today, friends. Stay tuned for lots more good stuff. And if you want to get in on guaranteed monthly pitch feedback, now is the time to subscribe. 💛