Lisa Hoehn on Dating Profiles and a Bad Book Deal
and the very random way we met.
I love it when unusual scenarios introduce me to cool people.
And the way I met writer Lisa Hoehn was… quite unusual.
Six years ago, Lisa and I both participated in a PR stunt for a matchmaking startup that no longer exists. We were each selected to be part of a group of women flown from New York City to San Francisco to go on blind dates. The premise was that there are more single women in New York than single men, and the opposite is true in San Francisco, and wouldn’t it be great if we fixed that (oh hey, heteronormativity!)—so for a weekend, they’d bring the single women to the single men and maybe love would blossom over free drinks.
So we all went on these dates with cameras in our faces and three days were eventually mashed into a 15-minute NBC Nightline segment. I went in with the mindset that it was just ridiculous enough to be worth doing. And I suspect Lisa had the same idea.
(Actually, I did end up meeting someone that weekend when I bailed on one of the mixers and went to a dive bar down the street. But that’s another story)
I remember hearing Lisa talk about how she writes dating profiles for a living. And I remember being like, whoa—she seems cool. But with all of the dates and filming going on, we never had a chance to connect over the fact that we’re both writers and were both most definitely there for the stories.
Thankfully, Twitter exists. So we had a chance to reconnect.
And now I get to introduce YOU to Lisa Hoehn who is here to tell us about writing dating profiles and a book and maybe the worst thing that can happen before a job interview.
Lisa Hoehn on Writing Dating Profiles and Surviving a Bad Book Deal
Because we (as a society) are trained to think about ourselves negatively a lot of the time, we forget how cool and worthwhile we actually are.
BR: OK so we met in a very bizarre fashion…
LH: That trip was amazing and hilarious. I admitted my one-night stand, raised the roof, and then high-fived Emma [co-founder of the matchmaking service] for the world to see on Nightline, ha. Did you know that one of the women on the trip met a guy and they’re married now??? How nuts is that!
I did not know that! So do you also look for random experiences to write about in life, and is there another one of those you can tell us about?
Yes!!! I am constantly looking for new, random, exciting, weird, you-name-it experiences. Since quitting my 9am-to-8pm (real talk) job as an editor some 7 years ago, I’ve been a hair model, diamond sales assistant, bartender, donut maker and donut truck driver (I had to parallel park a food truck in NYC—I think I deserve an award), not a sex worker but a sex-adjacent worker (didn’t last long but whoa), started my own company and published a book, and that’s just professionally! I’ve also been a sugar baby, shit my pants 10 minutes before a job interview (which wasn’t an experience I chose so much as it chose me), and spent three months living in Madrid. I’ve written about some of it but not nearly enough.
How did you first get into writing people's dating profiles?
I’ve always been the go-to copywriter for all of my friends and family (I’m sure many can relate). Emails to bosses, cover letters, college admission essays, resumes, invitations, startup press releases, and—of course—dating profiles.
There weren’t as many people on OkCupid back in 2012 (it’s amazing how much has changed so quickly), so profiles were a unique challenge—and once I had used my own to scoop up a cutie, at least a dozen friends quickly turned to me for help.
Starting a business on your own often requires a lot of work on the backend, and a lot of patience before money starts coming in. How did you know Profile Polish was worth starting, and what convinced you to stick with it during challenging times?
Okay, get ready for me to sound like a dick because this never—and I want to emphasize never—happens.
The idea that people would pay for help with their profiles was kind of a half-whim based on helping my friends. I put a free website up on Wordpress, spent less time writing the copy than I have writing this interview, and waited for nothing to happen. But, unbeknownst to me, a journalist acquaintance pitched a story about the business to XOJane (RIP) who scooped it up. And from then on out, I was an online dating profile ghostwriter. Clients rolled in, I raised prices, they kept coming, and here I am 7 years later.
Most of my challenging times were self-induced, to be honest. In college, English and Art History were my majors, so business was astronomically out of my comfort zone. I was completely unprepared for the amount of attention—and therefore the amount of work—I garnered in that first year. But I just decided to be scrappy and go for it. Any new challenge, I researched. I worked crazy hours. I read books and profiles and went on dates and tried to figure out how to create an LLC until I had things worked out.
Eventually, I had to write a book in 4 months while also maintaining the business because my advance didn’t pay enough (thanks, Running Press!). That was a really tough time. Honestly, I think the fact that I persevered cost me emotionally later. But I got through it! And I’m glad that I did.
This is such an interesting niche to me because pretty much everyone who is single uses dating apps at some point—and having a well-written profile is a serious advantage, I think. This is such a relatable example of how writing is an undervalued skill. So what have you learned about writing and/or dating and the intersection of the two since starting Profile Polish?
When people don’t know what to say, they go vague and they go cliche. Most people are decent writers but crumble under the pressure of a dating profile. No one paid attention in English class when they taught “show; don’t tell.” Everyone steals jokes.
More largely though, I’ve been forced to focus on the audience. So often, even when writing pieces for magazines, I get in my own head and write what I want to write rather than thinking about what’s important for the reader to hear. Looking at writing backwards (as in through the eye of the public) is really helpful in maintaining perspective and creating thoughtful organization.
Why is writing about ourselves so hard?
Because you have to be introspective, objective, and communicative all at the same time. Damn near impossible. It’s the same reason that resumes are so hard!
How do you manage having a bunch of clients who aren't accustomed to working with writers?
Actually, I think it’s a coup. Because of the nature of dating profiles and the vulnerability that comes with it, most clients are nervous or embarrassed—so the challenging part is making them feel comfortable enough to open up. Most have already tried writing their own profiles, so they’re often down on themselves too—feeling like they can’t “do the job” of attracting the right person. And while I hate that the emotions surrounding online dating are largely negative, for me, it’s all about being a steady source of comfort and support. And because many clients haven’t had the success they want with their profile, most are usually just geeked to read something wonderful about themselves. I rarely get asked for edits...and I like to think that’s because I echo their language well enough that they see themselves in the profile.
OK so how can I go improve my dating profile?
Do what feels right for you!! There is no “right” way to write a dating profile, even though there is absolutely a wrong way. But as long as the profile feels like your authentic self, use it!
One tip that I give to my clients is that they should do this exercise before starting their profile: ask two or three friends to list five things that you love. Things that they associate with you. And the more specific, the better. Because we (as a society) are trained to think about ourselves negatively a lot of the time, we forget how cool and worthwhile we actually are. But friends see you the way that you present to the world, and they love you for it. And it’s those people who can remind you that they can’t see a succulent without thinking of you or that you have a thing for seeing movies on Sunday mornings. Little things that help make you seem a more complete person (on internet paper).
So you've recently switched to resume writing services, as that's become a serious need in the time of COVID. I think writers struggle with resumes as much as anyone—maybe even more because we obsess over words so much. What are some common mistakes you see writers making on their resumes?
Nobody wants to shout their accomplishments! I mean, I get it. Editors, especially, are used to working behind the scenes. But this is not the time to be humble!
The biggest mistake I see, otherwise, is organizational. Always think about your audience—which is likely an overworked junior HR rep, at first. Resumes need to be skimmable! Big accomplishments and skills should jump off the page.
If you’ve been a freelance writer for a long time, talk about your experiences as a freelancer! If you interviewed someone cool, toss in an anecdote that isn’t already available—as in, a bullet point could say something like, “drank boxed wine with Jennifer Lawrence” or whatever it is. If your work had an impact, absolutely write about what that impact was! Because writing is...well, writing, you have to be a little more creative with your ‘experience.’
Do not put your entire home address on your resume. A company is not going to send you mail through the post office. It dates you.
Has profile and resume writing led to other kinds of work? Tell us more about your book!
The book was a big learning experience—I can hardly crack it open without cringing, but that’s how we all feel about our own work, right? Basically, in an article that was profiling me/the biz, I mentioned that I was writing a book. Was I? Nope. I had been toying with the idea, but I said that I was working on it because I thought saying that might actually make me work on it. But within days, I had an offer from Running Press! A shit advance, an insane turnaround time, but it was a book deal, and I was elated. It turned out to be a very mixed experience. My editor wasn’t great—and she was fired before my book was finished. The PR team got me two placements—I got all of the others myself. They still spell my name wrong when they send me sales reports. I’m still proud of it, and I’d absolutely go through it again, but I definitely aged like 10 years writing that thing.
Other kinds of work...ha. Nope! 2020, folks. Or rather, the industry at large.
I thought that with being an author and with having some pieces in fancy pubs, doors would open. I’ve worked so very hard and learned so much along the way. But because of the way that the industry works, I actually feel pretty pigeonholed. I can’t get editor jobs anymore because I no longer know all of the CMS and SEO and haven’t been specializing in anything other than dating for years. I’ve never loved social media, so I can’t offer a following (nor do I love that writers are expected to maintain social media for the masses to be considered for certain jobs). Most of my writing work isn’t available for the public to see...you know, that whole “ghost” in ghostwriting thing, so when I apply for gigs, my clips are old. I’m rusty with pitching, and my circle of editor friends is growing smaller. It’s a very strange feeling—on one hand, accomplished and proud; on the other, unqualified.
When you're not working on dating profiles or resumes, what kind of writing work do you most enjoy?
Humor. Absurd haikus that go nowhere but my journal. Analysis of my favorite TV series which all seem to involve Mike Schur. Figuring out where to publish that story about shitting my pants before a job interview. I think that because my writing is always in someone else’s voice with Profile Polish, when I’m not working I like to write things that feel like me. A reminder that I don’t just echo other people’s writing style—I have my own, too.
Any upcoming projects we can all look out for?
Honestly, I don’t know! I love writing, but I am very sick of being a writer economically. It drives me nuts how much society undervalues words. So, I’m working on a collection of ridiculous short stories about my life, but who knows if that will ever see eyeballs beyond my own. I’ve also been looking for creative jobs at companies whose causes I love—comedy, travel, marijuana, the outdoors, mental health, relationships—but am not sure what it’ll take to convince me to go back to corporate America. So kind of just floating along for now, seeing which way the current will take me next, and praying to Poseidon that that current makes me the next Jameela Jamil!
Check out Lisa’s dating profile and resume writing services, and follow her on Twitter!
That’s all for today, friends. If you’re a subscriber, I’ll be back in your inbox on Tuesday with lots of pitch calls and writing opportunities.
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